Write and Burn
A recommendation to get over someone or get through something is to write it out. On a piece of paper, and then burn it. This does two things - one it breaks you out of the cycle of overthinking, and two, it symbolically (and it is a powerful psychological effect) lets it go. But here is the catch: what if going over it again is painful? What if you’re not overthinking it, you have moved past the hurt and sadness, and it’s a vague amorphous blob of fading negativity in your head. Is it a good idea to bring it back into focus and then “let it go”?
My current Emotion Handling Protocol consists of two tasks:
- Maximize joy and fun, in and around
- Minimize sadness and anger, in and around
Opposites as they are, they still are two separate tasks, and they take fundamentally different subroutines to enact. As part of that my dominant strategy is to quickly process the emotions and take stock of where we stand and take action. There is no fundamental utility in spending time in sadness and anger, in the vast majority of cases it is only hurtful to you. So figure out the cause, come to terms with the situation, extract the takeaways, decide on action items and move on. Sail away sailor.
So if I have already gone past it, and in the words of Mortimer they are “fingerprints on an abandoned handrail”, then the protocol is in effect. I am in safety. I don’t want to write it all down and burn it because I have already moved on. Bringing it back into the conscious world is simply bringing the hurt back. I don’t like being hurt. Writing things down etches it into my memory. It’s the reason I take notes that I never go back to read - the very act of writing is sufficient - I have already internalised it. You see how that goes counter to the idea of the recommended coping mechanism?
I don’t want to write and burn, because I don’t think that will help me.